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i finished reading chris clavin’s book about how plan-it-x got started & the full story behind “free pizza for life” but what i didn’t know is that it would be mostly about how a wonderful mentally ill trans woman is the one who founded the record label that would support so many of the folk punk bands that i love today.
it was weird to read that she died right around the time i saw Ghost Mice for the first time (VT in 2009) & i am sad i did not know of her then, but i am very happy she existed.
every once and a while a non-disabled person on tumblr will send me a message to tell me how amazing/inspirational/badass i am for my academic achievements. and like, i feel conflicted b/c i totally appreciate the acknowledgment of how fucking hard i have to work to get through it, but also i feel kind of weird because then i feel like i’m being used as some sort of, “if they can get through it, i can!” shit. like literally once someone sent me a message telling me that whenever they feel sad they come read my blog to help them feel like they can get through the hard parts of their life. which, was probably a harmless statement in intent, & probably was meant as a compliment, but really it just kind of came off as a “i read about your life and feel really grateful that i don’t have to deal with any of that.”
i don’t know. feelings.
I just randomly remembered when at my friend’s wedding they paired their two disabled friends together as bridesmaid & groomsman but I’m the weak arthritic one & he uses a wheelchair & needed to be pushed bc we were going across grass so we ended up having to walk in a group of four since I couldn’t do it. Lolsob.
Before I got my tonsils out I was a very sickly kid. I got strep throat like, four times in one school year and it progressed into scarlet fever on at least two of those occasions. This was probably because my parents were hoarders & also chain smoked in the house so it was not conducive to being…not sick. I missed so much school that they wanted me to stay back a year, but I was Smart and able to prove I did not need to repeat it, despite missing over half the year.
But what I’m saying is that this is why I consider cough drops and cough syrup to be candy, I ate them so much as a kid that I grew to enjoy the taste.
Today has been a good, my sore throat went away, I can breathe more easily, Ethan is gr8, and a person I thought hated me doesn’t they’re just mentally ill which like no worries dude have u talked to me extensively yet???
I get real mad that I’m still kind of fucked up over things that happened 5-6 years ago, shouldn’t I have replaced those survival mechanisms away by now, replacing them with Normal reactions?
okay ethan is really coming & i’m just so excited to see him and hug and cuddle hopefully my tears stop feeling like acid on my face
bheidh replied to your post “welp, I guess the texting campaign w/ crush guy has died as of…”
<3. wish i were closer, would love to hang on a saturday night with you.
i wish that as well <3. i do know that ethan and i are saving up to take a trip down to florida very soon, & we will definitely make sure we visit you when we do <333
welp, I guess the texting campaign w/ crush guy has died as of Wednesday, not by me, he just hasn’t responded at all so lol i’m stupid
and I really wanted to see Ethan and that was how I managed to motivate myself to get through this week but he went to Kentucky instead and it’s really okay i just feel sad and dejected and he’s supposed to come here tonight anyway but idk i feel like it might not happen?
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