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The baby cat is being annoying (I think she just broke one of my closet hangers because she likes to trapeze off of them while whining incessantly when she’s not getting enough attention) & I have to leave to pick up my mom from the airport in about 20 minutes. Expect me to be phone blogging a lot in the next few days as I deal with my mother and recovery from oral surgery. I hope I survive this.
I hate my inability to say no. I hate that I have so much shitty internalized ableism that I literally can’t say no when my advisor asks me to do things because I’m scared it’ll reflect poorly on me. I hate that I’m a “”“”disabled woman”“”“” at an R1 university who is terrified of letting people know their limits are stretched beyond sustainable levels because then that means I have to tell everyone I’m a “”“”“”disabled woman”“”“”” & maybe people think I objectively have my shit together, but I certainly do not. I hate that I declined certain accommodations offered to me because I felt like I’m not actually disabled enough to get them. I hate that I could only muster up the courage to tell ONE of the three professors I have this semester of the fact that I have accommodations because I’m a little shit. I hate that I still haven’t told my advisor about it either. I hate that I’m complaining that I can pass pretty well as not-disabled, which is probably a luxury.
And now that I’ve written this, I am going to smoke a bowl because HOLY SHIT. I finished yet another grant in less than 5 hours.
I got my stats homework done, but now I have to write ANOTHER 2 page grant…. has to be done tonight b/c I’m picking my mom up from the airport tomorrow and then Friday is surgery…please kill me…. I can’t handle this.
my goal to get this stats homework done tonight has failed. i cannot figure it out. hopefully i can ask some people tomorrow. gotta swallow my pride.
Let’s play a game.
Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up.
today in my life is fucking insane and i want to burrow away and never come out again, my mother got into a car accident that was not her fault (was rear-ended on the highway) and FOR SOME REASON??? did not want to go to the hospital… then calls me to tell me she has bruises and everything hurts and that she is going to go to the doctor tomorrow to get things checked out. so there’s a possibility she won’t be able to fly out here on thursday and i need to find someone to bring me to & take me home from my surgery on friday. lol. lololol.
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